Introduction

Happiness and success in life is all about choices that we make.

One thing is sure that you cannot keep everyone happy and at times you need to choose or prioritize whose happiness is most important to you. It is these decisions which set the pace of your life. It is these decisions which reflect your values and principles.

If you are not happy, you cannot make others happy, howsoever hard you may try. It is like, love yourself and respect yourself to be loved and respected by others.

We all have gone through this dilemma at one or another stage of our life, when we have to choose between the happiness of our family and our professional growth and have to sacrifice one for another. You need both love and support of your family and success and growth in your professional life (in your career). You cannot give your 100% to your family and 0% to your profession and you cannot give 0% to your family and 100% to your profession. It is like Game Theorem, wherein the actual size of market will remain same and loss of one will be gain of another and it is up to the individual to set the balance.

In this article we will learn about that conflict of our life.

Understanding the Family

You cannot have control on your birth. Once you are in this world and grown-up enough to understand, who you are, you start making choices. At that stage you should not bother about anyone except your parents. Once you complete your basic qualification, your schooling, you start making choices and here whatever choice you make or the decision that you take, will have long-lasting effect in your life. Then you choose area of your interest and followed by your decision about the type of career that you want. You choose to get married. You choose to have kids. Now, for you your family consists of your parents, your spouse and your kids. Sometimes, you can have “Conflict of Interest” in these family members as well.

Understanding the need to have profession / career

Love, care, understanding and togetherness, all these are required in life but along with these things, you need many other things in life and for that you need money. You don’t need to be a billionaire or the wealthiest person in the world, but you need fair amount of money / wealth to get the basic necessities of life, which can be as basic as food, shelter and cloths.

1. You need money to buy a house
2. You need money to give good education and career to your kids
3. You need money to take care of the medical needs and healthcare issues of your family
4. You need “enough” money to take care of you (without being dependent on your kids) after your retirement

And this money needs to be earned.

Apart from financial security, you need professional growth to

1. Be Respected
2. Be Recognized
3. Be Rewarded
4. Satisfy your ego
5. Feel the power
6. Motivate your inner self

Professional Crisis – Relocation (Case Study)

If I get everything at my door-step, I do not need to go anywhere and my life will be so peaceful and satisfying. But, that is not the case. Sometimes, due to professional commitments, you need to move to a different place and that is a real crisis that most of us face in our professional life and it is here that you need the utmost support of your family. Here, there are three situations:

1) You are unmarried.
2) You are married and your spouse is not working.
3) You are married and both of you are working.
4) You are married but do not have kids. Or you have kids but they are less than five years of age.
5) You are married and have grown-up kids.

I asked one question in my training program to understand the thinking process of people. Question was: “You get an opportunity in a different city (might be in a different country), for a salary three-times your present salary and for a designation, which is four levels above your present designation. What will you do? Will you accept the offer?”

There is a clear difference in the thought process of male and female respondents.

87% of females are of the opinion that for them family is important. If they are working, they will not accept such job offer (career advancement) and they expect the similar decision from their male counterparts.

69% of males prefer togetherness with their family over such career advancement.

To grow professionally, you need the support of your family (mostly your spouse, if you are married) and you need professional growth to take care of your family in a better manner.

My Opinion – I believe that

No war could have been won
No nation would have attained independence and
We would not have heard names like GE, Microsoft, Dell, IBM, Oracle, EDS, Intel, Sun Microsystems et al, had everyone thought the way most of you have expressed themselves. No one can dare to dream and no dream can ever become a reality…if everyone starts thinking in the similar manner.

We need to understand this from the perspective of Armed Forces. They move from one place to another place, after some years, at times with their family and sometimes without family; if they also start thinking in the same manner then who will take care of the boarders of your country. You can have any high-profile career, sports, entertainment etc, most of the time these people stay away from their family to keep their professional commitments.

Yes, you are working for your family and one of the responsibilities that you have on your shoulder is to give them a better career. You can give better career by giving them proper education and I order to get that education (that level), they not only need to be sharp and intelligent but you too should be financially strong to let them get that education. To be financially strong, one must have good profession…one must take good opportunities; one must sacrifice something, you cannot get everything and more so you cannot get “free things”. There is no free-lunch.

You can grow professionally by moving up in your professional ladder and moving out of your comfort zone and by sacrificing some of your happiness and comforts. And to do all this, you need the support of your family. So, to my understanding, spouse and families should support you rather than restricting and/or limiting your growth.

Conclusion

Taking decisions such as relocation, no doubt is a question of setting priorities. Professional Growth and the happiness of your family are very important and you cannot have one at the cost of another but you need to understand the purpose of your living. You also need to consider your happiness. How can you spread happiness, if you yourself are not happy? A bit of compromise here and there and a little bit of adjustment is always required. Make a choice and then move on.

Always, remember you cannot make everyone happy.

Have a great day and take care.

Looking for your comments and feedback

Sanjeev Himachali

http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/
http://sanjeevhimachali.multiply.com/

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